The Misadventures of Victoria Stitch: June 2010

Victoria Stitch lands with a bump onto the hard stone floor of an old fashioned looking kitchen. There is a pretty girl sitting by the fireplace with a soot smudge on her face.

'You must be my fairy Godmother!' exclaims the girl.

Victoria Stitch stands up, brushing the dust from her dress.

'I most certainly am not!' she retorts. 'I am Victoria Stitch and I am the Queen!'

The girl looks confused. 'I think you must be in the wrong book then,' she says. 'I'm Cinderella and I'm waiting for my fairy Godmother to arrive.'

'I know,' answers Victoria Stitch. 'And then she'll give you a nice sparkly dress and some glass slippers and send you to the ball!'

Cinderella nods.

'Well not tonight!' Victoria Stitch says with a sudden flourish. 'For tonight I want to wear the sparkly dress and go to the ball! After all I am the Queen!'

Then before you can say 'crystal stillettos' she takes off her dress, tears it into strips and uses it to tie Cinderella to the chair. Then she skips gleefully out of the kitchen and shuts the door behind her.

Victoria Stitch waits, shivering in the garden. It isn't long before there is a puff of smoke and a splutter of stars and a little old lady with blue hair and silver spectacles appears in the night air. She stares at Victoria Stitch.

'Why in the name of spinning bats are you standing there in your underwear dear girl!?' She asks.

'My ugly sisters stole my clothes,' lies Victoria Stitch.

'Oh you poor darling!' cries the Fairy Godmother. 'We'll soon remedy that!'

She waves her wand three times and pokes Victoria Stitch in the tummy.

Victoria Stitch finds herself standing in a giant pumpkin suit.

'Oh dear,' worries the little old lady. 'I think I'm a bit rusty.'

She pokes Victoria Stitch again and this time a beautiful dress begins to weave itself around her, dripping with orange glitter and positively breathing magic.

'That's better!'

Victoria Stitch twirls and hops about in the dress excitedly.

'Don't ruin it now!' Warns the Fairy Godmother. 'Now all you have to do is go down to the bottom of the garden and fetch me a pumpkin, two white mice and a spotted newt. Hmm, yes that should be all. And bring then here to me.'

'What?!' exclaims Victoria Stitch. 'In this dress?'

'Well you do have a point,' murmurs the Fairy Godmother. She picks up her skirts and totters down the garden to the vegetable patch herself and pokes her wand at a pumpkin. Immediately it begins to transform, its orange skin stretching and shining in the moonlight, the green vines twisting and curving to become wheels and spokes.

The Fairy Godmother pokes her wand again at two conveniently placed white mice. they begin to grow and become twitchy faced horses.

'Now for the newt,' says the Fair Godmother picking her way over to the pond and sticking her wand into the dark water. She swirls it about for a bit until ripples begin to appear and a rather spotty looking young man in a green coat and tails emerges, dripping with pond weed.

'Marvellous!' exclaims the Fairy Godmother.

The pumpkin carriage stands in all its glory, glowing and waiting with two white horses to pull it and one spotty, spluttering man to drive it.

'Now there's one more thing,' the Fairy Godmother begins. 'You must leave the ball before midnight or...'

'otherwise my dress will disappear,' finishes Victoria Stitch. 'I know. It's fine, I've got my nice underwear on.'

She steps into the carriage.

'Oh by the way,' she continues, 'These glass shoes, they're a bit tight.'

'Well that's odd,' says the fairy Godmother. 'You are Cinderella aren't you?'

'Oh yes!' replies Victoria Stitch.

The Fairy Godmother smiles and shuts the carriage door.

'Well off you go then!' she smiles. 'Have a splendid time my dear! Now I really must go and check on that peculiar noise coming from the kitchen, it sounds like the cat is stuck in there or something.'

The carriage begins to roll away with Victoria Stitch inside, sitting comfortably on the purple velvet cushions, smiling to herself. She kicks off the glass stilettos and pulls her own black lace-up boots back on.

'Much more comfy,' she says to herself, wiggling her toes.

Then she sticks her head out of the window and watches the starry sky fly by as the carriage glides away towards the Palace...

(all writing and images are copyright to me)

Victoria Stitch knows of one place where there are always adventures to be had.

In Norwich there is a bookshop with two floors called The Book Hive. It is the nicest book shop for miles around and the man behind the counter offers you a cup of tea while you browse.

However, at night time when the clock strikes twelve, the nice man is not there to guard the shop. There is no one to see what goes on inside those books, no one to hear the creak and rustle of paper as the shelves breathe and characters from stories old and new stir and stretch upon their pages.

No one that is, except Victoria Stitch. And tonight she is bent on mischief.

Being no bigger than a salt shaker she is able to slip quite easily through the letterbox, dragging Pink Rabbit with her. They drop lightly on to the floor and begin to walk across the moonlit carpet.

Victoria Stitch takes off her shiny black coat and shakes it. sending a shower of raindrops over Pink Rabbit. She tosses it into a corner with her umbrella and rubs her hands together wickedly.

'Who shall we visit tonight?' she asks him.

Pink Rabbit shivers. He doesn't like 'adventures.'

The bells from the Norwich Cathedral strike twelve. Victoria Stitch steps onto a shelf. Then quick as a flash she slips between the pages of a book, disappearing completely from view and leaving Pink Rabbit all alone in the darkened book shop...